We’ll Know It When We See It…Right?

I’ve heard some version of this a few times this past week:

“We’ll know good leadership when we see it.”

And every time, it makes me pause.

Because on the surface, it sounds reasonable.

Flexible. Experienced. Maybe even intuitive.

But in practice?

What we each see might be very different.

In one conversation, we were talking about trust, accountability, and commitment—big concepts that everyone strongly agreed were key to being a good leader. But then I asked,

“What would we actually see in our teams if those things were present? How do trust, accountability and commitment show up?”

You could feel people sit up straighter. Pause. Think about it.

And then realize—they each had a different answer.

In another conversation, I was helping someone identify where they felt their leaders needed training. And my first question was simple:

What does good leadership actually look like here?

Because here’s the part we don’t always realize:

“We’ll know it when we see it” only works if we’re all seeing the same thing.

And most of the time…we’re not.

One person thinks strong leadership means being consistent no matter what.

Another thinks it means adapting to each situation.

Someone else values decisiveness.

Another prioritizes collaboration.

None of those are wrong.

But if they’re all operating at the same time—without being named or aligned—you don’t get strong leadership.

You get mixed signals. And that’s where things start to feel off.

Feedback feels inconsistent.

Decisions feel unpredictable.

Accountability feels personal instead of shared.

Not because people don’t care.

Not because leaders lack skill.

But because everyone is working from a slightly different definition of what “good” looks like.

It can be a hard problem to solve…because it doesn’t look like a problem at first.

It looks like:

• “We need more training.”

• “We need better accountability.”

• “We need clearer communication.”

Maybe.

But before any of that, there are more fundamental questions:

Have you defined what leadership looks like?

Do you understand how you want your people and teams to operate and perform if you had “good” leadership?

If you can’t describe it, you can’t:

• teach it

• reinforce it

• measure it

• or develop it

People will fill in the gaps on their own. And they won’t all fill them in the same way.

This doesn’t mean there’s one perfect model of leadership.

Every organization is different.

Every team has its own context.

Which means within your organization, you have to do the real work of spelling it out.

This isn’t about scripting every leader to act the same way.

It’s about being clear on what good leadership is meant to produce.

So instead of asking:

“Do we have strong leadership?”

Try asking:

• What do we expect feedback to accomplish—and how consistently does it happen?

• What level of context should come with decisions?

• What does reliable follow-through look like here?

• How clear are expectations—and who owns that clarity?

If the answers vary depending on who you ask…that’s your starting point.

Because “we’ll know it when we see it” isn’t a leadership philosophy.

It’s the absence of one.

Before you try to fix what feels off on your team, pause and ask:

Are we actually looking for the same thing?