Holiday Triggers, Leadership Lessons and Knowing Yourself

As we head into the holiday season, we’re reminded of something we often overlook: We bring our full selves into every interaction — at home, in our friendships and absolutely in our leadership.

The holidays give us a front-row seat to that truth, offering an easy example of how our emotions and reactions show up in familiar ways — like that one question your mom always asks that instantly sets your teeth on edge, or your brother’s belief that a single word is a perfectly acceptable answer every time. These moments remind us that understanding ourselves — and how we react to the people and patterns we know best — isn’t just personal growth. It’s practical groundwork for how we lead and communicate everywhere else.

That’s where emotional intelligence — and especially self-awareness — becomes essential.

You can’t lead others effectively if you don’t understand what you’re bringing into the room.

Self-Awareness Isn’t Self-Centered. It’s Practical.

Self-awareness isn’t about staring at your navel or spiraling into analysis.

It’s simply knowing:

• your patterns,

• your triggers,

• your assumptions,

• and how your emotions show up in the moment.

Because when we don’t understand those things, other people are left managing the version of us we didn’t realize we were presenting. That creates confusion, mixed messages, and avoidable friction — at work and everywhere else.

As Brené Brown writes in Strong Ground:

“We want to know what’s going on under the hood… We want to understand how we work and why.”

(It also helps us stop assuming everyone else is out to get us when we’re really just hungry. Just saying.)

Know Your Triggers — They’re Data, Not Flaws

We all have triggers — the comments, tones, or situations that make us think, “Oh great. Here we go.”

These reactions don’t mean something’s wrong with us. They mean something’s happening inside us.

And here’s the key:

Triggers give us information.

About what matters, what feels vulnerable, and what needs attention.

When we understand our triggers, we can:

• anticipate friction

• reduce reactive decisions

• choose intentional responses

• recognize when it’s our pattern, not the situation

Some triggers deserve attention. Some deserve boundaries. Some deserve noise-canceling headphones. It’s all data.

Build a More Precise Emotional Vocabulary

Most adults operate with maybe three emotional settings: “fine,” “tired,” and “stressed.”Accurate? Often. Helpful? Not really.

Naming emotions more precisely — “disappointed,” “anxious,” “unheard,” “uncertain,” “overstimulated,” “hopeful” — gives us insight into what’s really driving our reactions.

Language creates clarity.

Clarity shapes better choices.

If you want a place to start, Brené Brown’s list of 87 human emotions and experiences is a great guide (https://brenebrown.com/resources/atlas-of-the-heart-list-of-emotions/), or see the emotion wheel graphic with this post.

You don’t need to memorize it — just skim for the words that make you think, “Oh. That’s what that feeling actually is.”

From Self-Awareness to Self-Regulation: Choosing Your Response

Once we know what we’re feeling and why, we can choose our response with intention.This is where self-awareness becomes leadership fuel.

Self-regulation is not:

• stuffing things down

• pretending you don’t care

• “being professional” by ignoring your emotional state

It’s being able to say:

“I know what this feeling is, I know where it’s coming from, and I know how I want to respond.”

Self-regulation helps leaders:

• stay grounded in hard conversations

• avoid micromanaging out of anxiety

• adapt when things shift

• communicate more clearly

• make decisions aligned with values, not reactions

Counting to ten doesn’t always work. Naming what’s underneath usually does.

Why This Matters for Leadership (Not Just Life)

Self-awareness strengthens almost everything leaders do:

• communication

• delegation

• accountability

• decision-making

• trust-building

• team dynamics

When you understand yourself, you stop tripping over your own reactions — and you create space to understand others more fully.

A Continuous Practice, Not a Destination

Self-awareness isn’t something you “arrive” at — there’s no certificate, no finish line, no magical moment when you suddenly understand every feeling you have. It’s a practice. A lifelong one.

And if we’re honest, the holidays give us plenty of opportunities to practice.

Whether it’s the familiar family dynamic you could script in your sleep, the conversation you know is coming before anyone even walks through the door or the annual debate about who makes the mashed potatoes “right,” these moments remind us that emotions don’t take time off — they travel with us.

The good news?

So does our ability to notice, name, and navigate them.

As you move through this season and into the new year, pay attention to what’s coming up for you — the easy emotions, the hard ones, and the ones that catch you off guard. Name them with clarity. Use them as information. Let them guide you toward the way you want to show up.

That’s how you lead loud and build better — at work, at home, and everywhere in between.