It’s Not Just Your Case, It’s Your Connections

You came prepared. You had your case laid out with facts and figures, and you’d practiced until you could deliver it flawlessly. You nailed every follow-up question.

But one person in the room didn’t seem swayed—the one others were watching for cues. And instead of the slam dunk you expected, you walked out with a few polite smiles and vague promises to “get back to you.”

So what went wrong?

Knowing your material is one thing. Knowing your audience—and how to adapt to them in real time—is another.

When it comes to persuasion and negotiation, success depends less on your argument and more on your relationships. Whether you’re making a pitch, advocating with a legislator, or asking your board for funding, people decide based on trust, values and connection as much as on facts.

Here are three rules I’ve learned:

Rule #1: Build relationships before you need them.

Don’t just show up when you want something. Take the time to know the players in the room:

• Who are the decision-makers?

• Whose opinion carries influence with them?

• What motivates them—data, stories, visuals?

• Where are they already positioned on your issue?

• What are their needs and how can you meet them where they are?

The more you understand these dynamics, the more you can focus your message where it matters.

Rule #2: Adapt in the moment.

Preparation is important, but presence is essential.

• Pay attention to nonverbal cues—crossed arms, distracted glances, nods of agreement.

• Be willing to shift gears if your message isn’t landing.

• Ask questions. Dig deeper.

• Reframe what you hear to confirm your understanding.

• Show them you’re on their side of the table.

At the end of the day, the goal isn’t to prove you’re right. The goal is to help them say yes.

Rule #3: Follow through.

If you get a positive response, lock it in with clear next steps:

• Will the legislator carry your message to their leadership?

• Will you send the contract by week’s end?

• Will you recap the decision in writing so everyone leaves aligned?

And remember: persuasion is a long game. Even if you don’t “win” today, you’re investing in the trust and respect that set you up for tomorrow.

Because the most successful negotiations aren’t built only on arguments—they’re built on relationships.